Steady Diet of Girl Power

I ran across the phrase, “a steady diet of girl power” while perusing my guilty pleasure Refinery 29  and thought, “daaaaaamn those are some excellent words put togetherness!” (I am eloquent like that). So I thought it would be super fun to create a “diet” of Girl Power (also, I need to fulfill my blog post quota…). Furthermore I am sick of seeing “Try This Diet” and “Flat Tummy in 4 Weeks!” posts on Pinterest. Don’t we, as women, have anything better to do than hate our bodies?

I present to you the Girl Power Diet. This diet is revolutionary! You CAN eat carbs! You CAN have sugar! NO point counting! Eat all the cheese YOU WANT! Renowned “dietician” and world famous “doctor”*, Katie Burnett with Katie Burnett Photography, says that this is all you need to look and feel your best! Say buh-bye to those apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur! This diet will have you looking like Sasha Fierce in ONE DAY!

Morning Meal:

3 cups Will Power, blended

1 cup fresh organic Sunshine (if you can’t find organic, you can substitute for gold bronzer imported from Siam).

2 tsp. sparkles. [Note: Sparkles are like herpes so be careful you don’t spill!]

1 dash of Sugar

1 pinch Spice

Fold first 5 ingredients together with a wooden spoon (My favourite is this one which retails at approx. $350.00 USD sold only by Gwyneth Paltrow) and slowly add the last 3 ingredients until well mixed. Place gently on a baking tray and bake at 350F for 2 hours.

A reader, LillySoWhite852, wrote “But, Katie, what about All That Is Nice? Most recipes include it…” Well LillySoWhite852, I don’t recommend consuming All That Is Nice in high quantities. In my highly qualified opinion, Some Of All That Is Nice is what is best for the average woman. Too much All That Is Nice places sexist, unnecessary pressure on women which we get enough of at work just by sitting at our desks.

Mid-morning snack

1 fluid ounce of Kick Ass, with soy.

Lunch

2 cups Gumption

1 cup Confidence

3 tbsp. Will Power

5 long Unicorn hairs (preferably tail hairs)

1 Middle Finger [Note: I find it best to wave it in the air prior to using]

a pinch of Sass

Shake in shaker and drink until full!

Mid-afternoon snack

½ cup Sparkles

I like my sparkles straight up! But don’t spill! Don’t forget to post a snapshot on Instagram and tag @kmbphotog

Dinner

3 glasses of wine (I prefer a mean Cab Sav)

1 block, shredded Congeniality (low fat)

1 small Twirk

3 tbsp. organic Wit (I prefer the red kind)

4 ¾ cups Wisdom (passed down from generations works best)

6 tbsp. Life Experience

3 tsp. Class (2%)

Blend first 3 ingredients with a Demi Lovato soundtrack. Wrap around each other in a counter clock wise manner. Gently place in a cake pan and bake at 400F for 35 minutes.

With a firm grip, punch down the cake pan. Take your Gwyneth Paltrow spoon and stir in the last 10 ingredients. Bake again at 350F for another 15 minutes. Let cool and dab on Fierceness to taste.

Eat like this every day for guaranteed results!!

 

*Credentials include: Sesame Street Spelling Bee Winner 1995, Hogwarts Alum 2011, 3rd time Karaoke Champ 2008 for her rendition of My Humps, and Honorary Degree in Tequila Shooting.

 

Chantel-1-4

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